Why Being a People Pleaser is Terrible for Your Productivity

You've probably been attracted to this article because you think it's a person you like. Your friends ask you one thing, your family another, and your boss is on top of you, insisting that the work that should be done tomorrow should have been completed yesterday. You say "yes" to everything.

All this leaves no room for you or your work. Meanwhile, you're going around in circles, feeling like you really do not do any work. The feeling is familiar to many, so it is important to understand how pleasant people can negatively affect their productivity.

The solutions to reduce the pleasant tendencies of your people will be simple to implement, but not easy. So, if you expect a magic pill, you will not find it here. But, the good news is that with a small change of attitude and practice, you can make positive changes in your productivity.

Below you will find a list of 6 things you should do to stop being liked by people and increase your productivity:

Pass people who like to get more productivity

1. Be sure to move the needle

Have you heard of the Pareto principle? Otherwise, the Pareto principle tells us that 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

20% of the things you do cause 80% of the effects. This can be applied to wealth (20% of people own 80% of wealth), territory (20% of people own 80% of land), productivity (20% of things produce 80% of the results) and many more situations.

But how do we use the Pareto principle in action? It's simple. Ask yourself a question: "Does the needle move?"

This is a question that Brendon Burchard asks himself to determine his approach. If doing the action will help you get closer to your goal, it will. Otherwise, and no matter how good the opportunity, it will be skipped.

"A unique opportunity in life" is irrelevant if it is the wrong opportunity. " -Jim Collins

Moving the Pareto rule 80/20 to 87/13

Greg Alexander, founder of the Sales Benchmark Index, indexed more than 1100 B2B sales organizations and discovered that the 80/20 rule changed to 87/13. Now 13% of the seller made 87% of all income.

And this was after the seller received the sales training and knew the Pareto principle. But 13% not only knew the principle, but they were rigorous in its implementation.

That's why I said that these solutions are easy to implement, but not easy.

Ask yourself the question "Does it move? The needle?" Is easy, but implementing a change of action after getting an answer is difficult. Because if you are a complacent person, tell someone that "No" will be a difficult act to do.

But as you see above, doing so will yield massive results.

You can tell yourself: but there are a lot of people who say "yes" to everything and still seem to succeed! What does it offer?

The key word here is "appear" and the next part of the article will explain that perception.

2. Stop Running in Circles

You look around you and see all these people "triumphing." They run, they say "yes" to everything, they do everything, they have the perfect family, the perfect life, the perfect work, the perfect relationships. [19659002] But, that is only what is apparent on the surface. If you really took the time to investigate how these people have been spending their last 5 years, you will most likely see that they are running in circles.

They are using speed instead of speed and here's the difference:

Take a plane that travels 700 miles per hour in order to get to Miami (point B) from New York (point A). However, instead of traveling directly there, the plane flies in circles, covering a great mileage with a huge speed but without reaching the objective. The pilot can boast later that he flew 2,500 miles in less than 4 hours, but the truth is that he still did not get anywhere, that's speed .

However, if a plane travels only 500 miles per hour, but flies directly from New York to Miami, it will arrive in 2 hours and a half. This plane traveled half the mileage (1250 miles) and was slower than the first plane. There is nothing for the pilot to boast here, except that they hit their target directly. [1]

This is the difference between people who seem to please people and who still manage to do everything: they run in circles thinking they are doing things while Actually, they are in the same place where they were 5 years ago.

You can think: "Well, I got to where I am pleasing people and saying" Yes "to everything." But, as Marshall Goldsmith said it best: "What brought you here will not get you there. " And that is the next solution we will dive into.

3. What brought him here will not take him there

When he has just started, many people will tell him to take advantage of every opportunity there is. And, they can recommend, if there are no opportunities, to create some yourself.

This is really a great advice when you first start, since you have less to do and often say yes it leads to a huge opportunity.

Peter Diamandis, co-founder of Abundance 360 ​​and X-prize has a variation of this in his "Peter's Law" number 2: "When given an option, take both."

So, if you're just getting started, you already know what to do: say yes! "But as you grow older and assume more responsibilities, you'll quickly reach a place where you'll please people and say" yes "to everything. a problem.

That's when the phrase "What brought you here? takes you there "comes into play.

At this point, you must begin to say no to almost everything except the things that" move the needle. "

This is really hard to understand for our mind because our Mind is a machine that makes sense without stopping, and that means that it looks for a pattern in everything we are doing so that we believe that what worked in the past will work now.

Being liked by people may have worked before, But it will not work now, convincing your mind that "what brought you here will not get you there" is a difficult task, but you can do it.

You become good at knowing what to do. ] do

So what else do you need to do to be more productive? Procrastination and boredom! Yes, that's right That's the next solution on our list.

4. Procrastinate More

] If you are going to create at a great level and do Only the things that move the needle, then you need to have periods of inactivity – times when you are not doing anything.

This time is necessary for the mind to recover even though our minds never completely go out, you can not stop thinking.

Does this mean that by doing nothing, we can increase our productivity?

The answer lies in the difference between leisure and boredom.

Idleness is laziness and indolence: it refuses to do what must be done.
Boredom, on the other hand, is a pause between inactivity, a deliberate escape from activity altogether.

When you have time to get bored, take that time to suspend all activities and do something relaxing, like taking a walk, showering or just relax with good music.

Your conscious mind will relax and enjoy while your unconscious really works on your tasks and problems. In these moments of boredom and relaxation, you will find one of the greatest discoveries in your life and work.

This is how Albert Einstein had the idea of ​​the theory of relativity. [2]

The fact that you have free time does not mean you should do something with it.

Rest is as important as work, and if you like people, begin to defend your time as if your life depended on it.

You are not convinced yet. You may think "But are not everyone who delights people what makes it work?" Truth be told, if you do what others do, you will end up like everyone else.

As Ramit Sethi said: "When all zigs, you zag." What is our next solution.

5. When Everyone Zigs, You Zag

There is no sensible person in this world who tells you not to listen to your boss and do what he tells you to do.

However, here is a story to contradict that notion:

The story of Shane Parrish

Shane began his career immediately after graduation, in an intelligence agency, working with the government within an area related to cyberspace. [19659002] In the first year, his boss appeared at his desk and launched new projects almost every day.

And the projects were not the kind where you spend 15 minutes and that's it, get a solution. They were simply busy work. Shane's response? "That sounds incredible, but it's not for me, I'm busy enough."

Yes, his boss approached him and gave him work and he responded with a "no".

Shane Parrish was the new kid there, and each of his colleagues took him aside and said, "You're not going anywhere with that attitude."

But Shane knew the difference between busy work and work that moves the needle. While everyone was zigzagging, doing everything their bosses wanted them to do and getting nowhere with that, Shane Parrish was focusing on the crucial work.

Again, telling your boss "No" is simple enough, but not easy.
Supporting the pressure of your teammates is quite simple, but it is not easy.
Staying on course when everyone tells you to change it is simple, but not easy.

"The difference between successful and very successful people is that very successful people say 'no' to almost everything." -Warren Buffett

But all these solutions are going to be in vain if you do not master a simple skill, and that's the art of saying "no". Being complacent with people is not bad, but you should know that it will not get you where you want to go.

And that brings us to the final solution:

6. The art of saying "no"

"The success of a person in life can usually be measured by the amount of uncomfortable conversations that are willing to have." -Tim Ferriss

These words sound true no matter who you are or what you are doing with your life. All of the above solutions will work, but they will require you to say "no" to people. And for a complacent person, that's the hardest thing to do. I know because I used to have great pleasant tendencies for people.

Many people feel that they should have a very good reason to say "no" because otherwise, others may think you are rude or selfish. But the art of saying "no" is the way to go. When you are clear about the purpose of your work (does the needle move?), You will have a compelling reason to say it.

But how to do it?

To do so, we will borrow knowledge from Chris Voss, one of the brains of the negotiation who regularly beat the Harvard professors in their own games.

Say "No" as if your life depended on it

So, what does Chris Voss think? Tell us? Instead of saying "No", say "How can I do that?"

Negotiating, as he said, is not about solving problems, but about being an engine of people.

So, instead of just saying no, you can face people, and get away with it, without confrontation. And this comes from a man who faced terrorists and mass murders and got what he wanted.

How to do it?

Here is a step-by-step process on how to say "No" without saying "No" by Chris Voss:

  1. Use the last hour of FM DJ Voice (voice of calm and reason that conveys "I have control")
  2. Start with "I'm sorry …"
  3. Mirror. (When you repeat the last three words, or the criticism of one to three words, of what someone just said)
  4. Silence. At least four seconds, so that the mirror makes magic in its counterpart.
  5. Repeat it.

Chriss Voss gave us an example of what that looks like in a conversation between a boss who wants everything in a physical copy and an employee who wants to go completely digital:

"Make two copies of all the paperwork."
"I'm sorry, two copies?" (DJ voice + mirror)
"Yes, one for us and one for the client."
"Sorry, so you're saying the customer is asking for a copy and we need a copy for internal use?" (Wanting to understand)
"Actually, I check with the client, they have not asked for anything, but I definitely want a copy, that's how I do business."
"Absolutely, thank you for consulting with the client, where would you like to keep the internal copy? There is no more room in the file room here."
"It's okay, you can save it anywhere"
"Anywhere? (Mirror)
* silence *
"In fact, you can put them in my office, I'll ask the new assistant to print me once the project is finished, for now, just create two digital backups."

A day later, the boss sent him an email electronic with "The two digital backup copies will be fine".

Wrap it up as a gift

We have seen the 6 solutions that help you become more productive when you stop being liked by people.

The solutions are:

  1. Does the needle move?
  2. Speed ​​vs. Speed: why could you run in circles
  3. What brought you here? will not take you there
  4. Productivity means having time for procrastination
  5. When all zigs, you zag
  6. The art of saying "No"

So the next time someone asks you something you know you will mess up your productivity, it's okay to say "yes" to them, but do it like this:

"Yes. Which of the other projects should you de-prioritize to pay attention to this new project?"

If you know someone who likes people or just someone who needs help with their productivity, shares this article with them; If it has helped you, I will probably help you too.

Featured photo credit: Photo of bruce mars de Pexels https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-man-in -dress white-shirt-holding-phone-close-window-859265 / via pexels.com


[1] Farnam Street: understanding speed and speed
[2] BBC: The Clock That Changed the Meaning of Time

function footnote_expand_reference_container () {jQuery ("# Footnote_references_container"). Show (); jQuery ("# ​​footnote_reference_container_collapse_button"). text ("-"); } function footnote_collapse_reference_container () {jQuery ("# ​​footnote_references_container"). hide (); jQuery ("# ​​footnote_reference_container_collapse_button"). text ("+"); } function footnote_expand_collapse_reference_container () {if (jQuery ("# ​​footnote_references_container"). is (": hidden")) {footnote_expand_reference_container (); } else {footnote_collapse_reference_container (); }} function footnote_moveToAnchor (p_str_TargetID) {footnote_expand_reference_container (); var l_obj_Target = jQuery ("#" + p_str_TargetID); if (l_obj_Target.length) {jQuery (& # 39; html, body & # 39;). animate ({scrollTop: l_obj_Target.offset (). top – window.innerHeight / 2}, 1000); }}

The publication Why Being a People Pleaser is terrible for its productivity first appeared in Lifehack.